Let’s Talk About Sex: Here Are 20 Ways To Have Deep And Long-Lasting Orgasms According To Experts

Today is National Orgasm Day, which means it’s time to honor ourselves and our desire for pleasure. 

Sex expert Nikquan Lewis believes that as Black women, pleasure has often come second, if it’s come at all. “We’ve been taught to perform, to please, to get it over with. Not to connect. Not to receive. Not to explore what our bodies want or what they’re truly capable of,” she states. Instead of opting for quick but effective orgasms, perhaps consider long-lasting ones. “Long-lasting orgasms are a fabulous way to experience pleasure,” says Lewis. “They’re a sign of having full body awareness, nervous system safety, and feeling connected to your sensual side. They require presence, practice, and permission to slow down and receive.” 

Lewis believes that for Black women especially, long-lasting orgasms don’t start with technique; they start with healing. “With unlearning the silence we were raised in, coming back home to bodies we were taught to disconnect from, and finally letting ourselves feel the pleasure we were never told we had the right to want,” she says. “Long-lasting orgasms are oftentimes intentional. They’re about being present, not performing and tuning into your body, listening for what it wants, and permitting yourself to feel all of it. Answer your body’s call for pleasure and take it to the limit.” 

Here are 20 ways to gain long-lasting orgasms from Nikquan Lewis and Dr. Nikki Coleman, below. 

Slow. All the way. Down.

Rushing will rob you every time. Your body needs time to build, open up, and respond, without the pressure to perform or rush to “get there.” Slow down and enjoy the experience.

Breathe like your orgasm depends on it because it does.

Deep breathing increases blood flow, helps regulate the nervous system, and enhances sensory perception. Shallow breath = shallow pleasure.

Focus on sensation, not just outcome.

You can’t perform your way into absolute pleasure. Focus on what you feel, not where you think you’re supposed to end up. Long-lasting orgasms come from being present, not under pressure. 

Get to know your pelvic floor.

Kegels aren’t just for strengthening; they help intensify and lengthen orgasmic pleasure. Learn to contract, release, and meet with a pelvic floor therapist for more assistance if needed.

Play with edging.

Bring yourself close to orgasm, then slow down and repeat. It builds intensity and teaches your body to increase your pleasure capacity and stretch the experience.

Utilize breath + sound + movement.

Don’t hold your breath. Don’t mute yourself. Don’t freeze. Let yourself moan freely, move, and breathe through it; it deepens the experience. Lean into it.

Use toys that hit both inside & out.

Stimulate more than one spot. Clitoris + G-spot. Anal + external; whatever your body enjoys. Dual stimulation can take you deeper and stretch the experience, so don’t be afraid to explore what feels good to you.

Get out of your head.

Shame, stress, and overthinking will snatch your orgasm before it even shows up. Practice mindfulness, focus on the feeling, and/or say pleasure affirmations to stay present.

Sync with your partner’s rhythm.

Focus on connection; breathe and move together. When y’all are locked in, the body relaxes and the pleasure goes way deeper. Don’t just go through the motions, stay in it, together.

Heal your relationship with your body.

Long-lasting orgasms come from deeper trust. The more safety you feel in your skin, the more pleasure you allow yourself to feel.

Get relaxed. Orgasms and tension do not mix. Your body needs to be in an open and relaxed state to achieve orgasm.

Be fully aroused. For most women, it takes a minimum of 20 minutes to get to an optimal state of arousal for sexual pleasure. For deeper, more intense orgasms, you need to be as aroused as possible for a longer duration.

Foreplay. Foreplay. Foreplay. Don’t rush and let the arousal and pleasure build. Think about old school making out and humping when you were younger. Use sexy flirting or sexting to set the mood. 

Engage multiple senses. Don’t just focus on sexual stimulation. Get fully present in your body and engage all your senses for a fully immersive experience.

Get as many body parts involved as possible. 

For long-lasting orgasms, much more than vaginal stimulation will be needed. Stimulating and giving attention to multiple erogenous zones, the complete clitoral network across the vulva and inside the vaginal canal, and all the parts in between will create the best possible scenario for a fully embodied pleasurable experience.

Be playful. 

Play with rhythm, tempo, depth of penetration, angle of penetration, and intensity of touch. The goal is not to let your body become desensitized or lean into routine/habit. Keep it playful and engaging to build and maintain that arousal. This is where edging should be your go-to companion on this journey.

Listen to and communicate with your partner. 

The more you can become attuned to each other and openly communicate what feels good, what you want more or less of, the better the experience will be. Long-lasting orgasms are transcendent experiences that allow you to be fully present in the moment of your body. Your partner’s energy and your connection are essential components to getting and staying there. 

Breathe! 

Most people lose their breath or begin to breathe too shallowly to maximize their orgasms. Deeper, slower, fuller breathing brings oxygen to all the places that need it for that optimal stimulation. Deep breathing also facilitates a more meditative state for your brain, allowing your body to feel more alive and present.

Make time to have the experience you desire. 

Longer-lasting orgasms don’t happen with urgency or with any insecurity. This means you need to feel entirely safe in your body, safe with your partner, and safe in the environment. Set aside the time to create this beautiful moment and ensure the environment enhances the ambiance of the experience.

Set the intention. 

We must remember that sex and erotic pleasure are as much about our brains as our bodies. Begin to change the narrative internally about what your body is capable of and what it is you want for yourself as a woman, capable of and worthy of this level of pleasure first. Envision what it would look like and feel like to have more powerful, long-lasting orgasms and go from there. 

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