I admit, I’m a ‘big flirt’! And I also admit I can get in trouble for it too!

I had (still have to tell you the truth) a reputation for being somewhat of a flirt for most of my early adult life. I couldn’t help it because my late father was ‘rolling stone’ (no, he was not a member of the famous British rock band of the same name), as was my uncles and grandfather. Flirtation is in my genes. 

I also admit to being a womanizer between my two wives. 

My current wife of three decades cut that umbilical cord. I was also ‘encouraged’ to put my flirtatious ways behind me after witnessing what happened to some men during the ‘Me Too’ Movement and new government policies on sexual harassment. 

It was during that period several years ago that thousands of men fell from their perches of wealth, fame, comfort and control for committing acts of harassment ranging from suggestive flirtation to touching. 

In many cases, male supervisors or employers have forced an employee to ‘knock boots’ (now it’s called, ‘slapping cheeks’) for advancement and found themselves bending over for ‘Big Bubba.’ 

A recent study revealed 201 high profile men have lost their jobs, and/or social status, because of allegations of sexual harassment. Those range from Hollywood film producer Harvey Weinstein, to former Minnesota U.S. Senator Al Franken, to former NBC ‘Today Show’ host and news anchor Matt Lauer. 

Interestingly, of those 201 ‘perpetrators,’ less than a dozen were brothers, such as former Michigan U.S. House Rep. John Conyers. I don’t know if that’s a reflection of cultural differences, or the fact that most sisters are less tolerant. 

Conversely, the movement to end sexual harassment has put honest and flirtatious brothers in awkward positions. I’m not talking about the devilish dogs or powerful punks. I’m referring to run-of-the-mill brothers who don’t know when to stop talking, or think they are still living in the 1970s. 

Its put those brothers, including me, who were brought up in a different era and regard flirtation as a way of complimenting a woman in awkward—and now embarrassing…and litigious positions. 

For example, Black folks love to hug to show affection, or mere friendliness. 

We have to wait for the sister to initiate. And you can’t even make what were once innocent comments, like: ‘you look lovely today,’ or ‘nice outfit.’ 

Today, you can’t say anything other than ‘hi’ without being charged up. And you better not say anything while scanning a sister’s torso. In fact, you better not look at a woman the ‘wrong’ way for fear of being tagged a chauvinistic pig or pervert. 

At the VA hospital, for example, there are signs suggesting that anything can be interpreted as harassment; warning women to be on guard (no pun intended), and for men to keep their mouths and eyes closed. 

I can understand the need to rid the military of sexual harassment as more and more women on ships or in fox holes will retaliate. Situations where a woman in lower ranks finds herself in unfavorable positions are a step away from charging you up. 

In the military, rank doesn’t have its privileges…at least not anymore. 

Which bring me to this major societal point: I heard of situations where an attractive woman was not hired because she was impossible to ignore. 

In the civilian world, even a glance can lead to chargers, suspensions and/or firings. 

If you recall, I penned a column a couple of years ago called the ‘five second rule.’ A woman perceived a man was ‘looking’ at her too long—over five seconds– at a fitness club and complained to management. 

A friend who witnessed the scenario warned me not to join the club in the heart of the central city (Midtown) because many of the women dressed suggestively. Thus, it was all but impossible to ignore the fine figured sisters. He said you could look, but only for less than five seconds, and you better do so out of the corners of your eyes. 

It’s a major contradiction, and would reduce the Black population otherwise. 

The sister who complained was wearing form fitting pants that left nothing to the imagination, including a ‘camel toe’ (a part of the woman’s-ahem!-anatomy. I’ll just leave it at that. You can use your imagination as to what I am referring to). 

On the day in question she was on a tread mill in front of the man. Another sister said he ‘looked’ at her butt. He was also on a treadmill. He wasn’t drooling, or smiling; in fact he was speeding along at a high speed (5.0) meaning he didn’t have too many opportunities to do anything but concentrate on his workout. 

Anyway, let me flip the script. 

I heard 101.7 radio talk-show host Sherwin Hughes noting on his show that a ‘fan’ named Linda came into the studio and sat on his lap. He was taken aback. I guess he, or security, removed the woman from the station. 

But of more importance, imagine a man was to abruptly and without forewarning sit on a woman’s lap under the same circumstance? 

He would probably be charged with second degree sexual assault and end up in prison. 

My point is men and women are treated differently. 

I was in the hospital for a day last week. Two nurses referred to me as ‘honey.’ I wasn’t offended even though their demeanor (which I appreciated) could have gotten them in trouble had I reported it. 

I’ve been in restaurants where a hostess has called me ‘honey, or ‘sugar.’ I wasn’t offended, nor did Itake the comment as a sexual advance. 

I occasionally say something that would otherwise seem innocent to older women who know what Imean if I would say something flirtatious. They arenot offended by me calling them ‘darling’ (eventhough I now just say ‘sister’ or ‘princess’). Ifthey’re older, I might use the term, ‘Queen.’ 

I would never call any woman a ‘bitch,’ eventhough I heard them calling each other the b-word. The same with nigger (n-word) which I find more offensive. 

I was brought up to never speak out of turn to a woman, of any age. And as I gotten older, I lovethem more the older they are. 

There have been dozens of women working in various capacities at the Milwaukee Community Journal over the past half century, many under my directsupervision. 

Never has there been a complaint. Oh, yes, therewas one case where a writer said she was the victimof sexism because she felt she should have been promoted over current MCJ Editor Thomas Mitchell, who had far more tenure and talent. Ironically, shefailed to note that the final promotion decision was made by the publisher, who happens to be a no nonsense woman; our queen, Patricia O’Flynn Pattillo. 

The sister in question tried to use the sexual harassment tool as a weapon, which many women do.

I’m not going to bury my flirtatious nature, nor will I do anything to offend a sister. I’m not a buttman, so they don’t have to worry about that. Andsince I don’t know if a sister will be offended or appreciative of a ‘two’ second glance, I will restrict myglances. In fact, if I’m with my wife, I might comment about a shapely sister; a good workout deserves a reward. In fact, my wife is appreciative of the benefits of hard work, or workout. 

She has mentioned looking at a sister at a workout class who has benefitted from their work at a YMCAfitness class. 

It will take another generation for us to get ontrack. In the interim, I will offer that parents teachtheir children to keep their eyes on the sky, and hopethey don’t trip on any cracks in the sidewalks. 

Hotep.