Dear Karmelo

by Leah Harmony 

Dear Karmelo,

I’m sorry you were misled. As captain of the track team, you probably thought you could get out of the rain at a track meet and sit under a tent, where a friend of yours greeted you, and offered you a seat.  And I’m sorry you lost that friend when he lied on the stand and said you weren’t close, despite having family photos together over the years. I have no hope that he’ll come clean one day, and you shouldn’t either.  

I’m sorry there was a photoshopped, darkened version of your mugshot used for Fox News, as well what was showed to the jury. I hate that they also erased the worry lines, and your inherent look of innocence in the process.  It’s unfair, and it’s an old and dirty way to push the perception of the angry Black male, the “YN,” the murderer. They knew the impact it would have on those who believe there’s such a thing as anti-white racism, those who believe the darker you are, the more deadly; especially where you lived, in the suburb outside of the former sundown town, Dallas. How unnerving it must have felt, and confusing, when you saw the jury before you, and not one looked like you or anyone who’s ever cared about you. You must have wondered how anyone thought these strangers were your peers. Or maybe it was then, you understood the implication, and therefore the future outcome. 

I’m sorry for the memes being circulated in the court of public opinion. That they’re yelling outside of the courthouse that you should be hung from a tree. I’m sorry for all the words towards you and your supporters. Not just the people saying Black people are “chimping out,” every time the verdict prompts a public outcry. Those are the same people who think we want George Floyd and OJ as our eternal heroes when not one of us asked for that. They grit their teeth sputtering per-capita murder stats sorted for convenience.  Because it’s only murder if it’s not state-sanctioned. They won’t mention the cold-blooded reign of murder their leaders deliver in our streets and overseas with impunity. No, they’re not worth it. Even more than Austin’s Dad, after the gag order was lifted, publicly branding you “Watermelon Felon” and absurdly claiming his people were here first while yours “were just brought over on a boat.”  No. I’m more sorry for those calling you a cold-blooded murderer while stating the verdict is “not about race” in a country where everything is about race, and the only way to get past it, is to face it and repair what was broken. Those people. They are the worst. I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry Black people fighting for your justice often appear aggressive and irrational. It gives more anti-black ammunition to the prosecutors and journalists, I believe. But you should know, the reason they do what they do, how they do it, is part emotion and part exhaustion, in equal measure. They care about you. They are fed up with the system. That is how they show their refusal to accept outcomes born of bias or, as it appears in this case, sabotage. While others will say “He knows how America is, he should have never gone into that tent,” or “he should have retreated,” these aren’t those people. These are the ones who believe no solution is born of conformity. These, though you may not see it initially, are the revolutionaries. The ones who will change the world. 

How scared you must have been when jury selection began on the same day a South Carolina jury found convenience store owner, Rick Chow, not guilty of murder for fatally shooting 14-year-old Cyrus Carmack-Belton. This after he chased the child the length of a football field, and shot him in the back after he’d fallen out of his shoes onto the ground. Or maybe Chow’s successful self- defense plea gave you hope. It was so like the murder of Latasha Harlins where her killer never saw the inside of a jail cell. Surely if you can combat a running child with a gun, you can combat a group of aggressive football players with a pocket knife. Maybe you reviewed many recent court cases while on house arrest, while your family was threatened and you had to move. Perhaps Daniel Penny’s successful self-defense plea, his freedom, and being hailed as a hero, after choking an unarmed, mentally ill man to death on a New York subway also gave you hope. George Zimmerman also successfully pled self- defense when Trayvon had only a bag of skittles on his person. You defended yourself, to the letter of the law, under the stand-your-ground law, in a stand-your-ground state.

But no, I don’t think you had the kind of hope that comes with privilege and the power of whiteness.You were probably filled with the never ending pull of the “what ifs” and the “if onlys” 

Karmelo, If you can help it, don’t go down that path. Nothing can change what has happened. We can only get ahead of, and mold that which hasn’t yet been formed against us. You may not be ok right now, but that’s alright. You will be. And you are embedded into the history of this country. Your sacrifice will bring about change. If it gets worse before it gets better, understand that these things must go through loss and gain, up and down, down and up again. Whereas a flat line symbolizes death.

Austin lost his life, and that’s always a tragedy, for no one knows what could have been. And you defended yours; Your life is still and always will be a gift. Live and love. Laugh when you can. Fight if you must. 

We will too. We love you.

Leah Harmony is a tv and music video producer who is currently working on several screen projects. She is a journalist and Production Manager for The San Francisco Bay View. She can be reached at: leah@sfbayview.com

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