Believe children who report abuse and ensure their safety, experts urge

By Sharon N. Simon
sharon.simon@antiguaobserver.com
Parents should believe children who disclose abuse, assure them they are not to blame and act immediately to keep them safe, two experts have urged.
The Rev Dr Lennox Pigott, a New York psychologist and pastor of Grace Family Fellowship in the Bronx, and Deon Grannum, a social worker and sexologist at Sir Lester Bird Medical Centre, spoke in separate interviews on Thursday. Both said the abuse of a child affects the whole family.
Dr Pigott said the first steps are to believe the child and ensure their safety. The safest course is usually to remove the abuser from the home rather than the child, he said. If the abuser will not leave, the family must find a way out.
He urged families to report abuse to child protection services and the police. Many of the Caribbean families he works with do not report it, he said.
Dr Pigott said research has found that mothers often struggle to accept that abuse has happened, particularly when the family depends on the abuser’s income. He said most abusers are male and may be a stepfather or even the child’s father.
Families should not conceal the abuse, he said. “Keeping it a secret only intensifies the problem,” Dr Pigott said. Relatives should place the blame on the abuser, he added, or the child may become isolated.
Grannum said parents must listen, believe the child and repeatedly reassure them that the abuse is not their fault. “The child should never be held responsible for an adult’s action,” she said.
Dr Pigott identified possible warning signs including shock, fear, confusion, nightmares, withdrawal, angry outbursts, depression, anxiety and inappropriate sexual behaviour. Adults may mistake withdrawal for shyness and aggression for rudeness, he said.
Grannum said siblings may show sudden changes in behaviour, bedwetting, falling school grades and sexualised behaviour inappropriate for their age. Such reactions should not be dismissed as bad behaviour, she said, because the child is struggling and needs help.
Parents may feel guilt, anger, shame and helplessness, she said. Some become hypervigilant, or constantly on alert. Disagreements between parents about what happened or how to respond can add to tensions at home.
To rebuild stability, Grannum advised families to set consistent household rules on privacy when dressing or bathing, knocking before entering rooms, sleeping arrangements and supervision of phones and other devices. The rules should apply to every child so that none feels singled out or punished, she said.
Children should be allowed to choose whether they want physical affection, she said.
Dr Pigott advised families to listen without judging and reassure every member. They should set aside time to talk and play, he said, because play helps children release their feelings.
Grannum said families should not rush the child or themselves back to normal. Parents should have ongoing, age-appropriate conversations rather than one large discussion, she said. Younger children should learn that their bodies belong to them, while older children can discuss consent, grooming and online safety.
Families should not cope alone, Grannum said. She called for social services staff, police, doctors, nurses, school counsellors and social workers to be trained in childhood trauma and sexual abuse. Confidentiality must remain central so the child can feel normal again, she said.
Dr Pigott also called for pastors, church workers, psychologists and social workers to receive trauma training. He urged families to seek help early through counselling and support groups.